Table of Contents
The world of real estate is an industry that has seen its fair share of scandals and jokes. What are some funny yet true stories about the field?
Let’s face it, a few hours of cold calling might make you want to flee the scene and never return. While living in the woods may seem tempting at the moment, it is not ideal for long-term development (no internet!). Instead, get yourself a cup of coffee (or a vodka tonic…you’re an independent contractor, right? ), put your feet up, and read our list of the 25 funniest real estate jokes.
If our 25 real estate jokes haven’t made you feel any better, there’s a top-secret extra picker-upper at the bottom of our list. This should only be used in an emergency!
1. Wait till the signs are in your favor.
-Keller Williams’ Valorie L Easter
“A little real estate broker was shocked when a brand new real estate franchise, similar to his own, opened next door and erected a massive sign that read BEST AGENTS. When another competitor came upon his right, it declared its presence with an even bigger sign that stated LOWEST COMMISSIONS. The tiny real estate broker was in a frenzy until he came up with an idea. Over his own firm, he hung the largest sign of all: “MAIN ENTRANCE.”
2. The Agent and the Devil
-Barcode Properties’ Inna Ivchenko
“Look, I can make you wealthier, more famous, and more successful than any other Real Estate Agent alive,” the Devil tells a Real Estate Agent. In fact, I can turn you into the greatest agent in history.”
“Well, what do I have to do in return?” replies the Real Estate Agent.
The Devil chuckles. “Of course, you must give me your soul,” he adds, “but you must also give me the souls of your children, your children’s children, and, in fact, you must give me the souls of all your descendants throughout eternity.”
“Wait a minute,” the Realtor cautions, “what’s the catch?”
3. The Wife of an Appraiser
–Jokes4us.com
“When an appraiser’s wife can’t sleep, what does she say?” ‘Tell me about your day at work, honey.’
4. The Magical Genie in a Bottle
While walking along the beach, a top-producing real estate salesperson came upon an antique light. He continued rubbing the lamp, and lo and behold, a genie materialized in front of him.
“I’ll grant you three wishes, but since you’re a real estate salesperson, you’ll receive twice anything you desire because you need to learn humility for every wish you obtain.”
The agent deliberated for a long time before accepting the genie’s offer.
“I want $10,000,000!!” says the narrator.
“Your request has been approved. You now have $10 million, whereas your opponent now has $20 million.”
“I want a vintage Ferrari!” says the narrator.
“Your request has been approved. Your biggest opponent suddenly possesses two vintage Ferraris, whereas you only have one.”
“You’ve used two of your wishes and now just have one remaining.” Make an informed decision. “What is your last wish?” says the narrator.
“I wish I had the ability to give a kidney!”
5. Are you stressed? What is the source of your anxiety?
6. Don’t go to the West Side!
7. I’d want you to sell my house to me.
– Century 21’s Miguel W Maria
8. The Irrational Buyer
TheBrokeAgent.com
9. How to Become a Millionaire
courtesy of Reddit
“I’ve finally cracked the code on how to earn a million dollars in real estate.” “You start with two million dollars.”
10. The Appraiser and the Balloonist
— Charles Rutenberg Realty, Inc.’s Chris O’Connor
A rookie balloonist is forced to land after being blown off course. He’s in a field near a road, but he doesn’t know where he is. He sees a vehicle approaching and honks at it. “Howdy!” exclaims the balloonist as the car exits. “Could you just tell me where I am?”
“Of sure,” the driver responds. “You’ve just landed in your balloon, and you’ve definitely been blown off track by this wind.” You’re on John Dawson’s farm, 10 miles outside Charlotte, in the top field.
Next week, John will plough the land and plant wheat. In the field, there is a bull. It’s following you and is going to attack.”
The bull approaches the balloonist at that point and throws him over the fence. Fortunately, the balloonist was unharmed. “I see you’re an appraiser,” he replies to the motorist after getting up and dusting himself down.
“You’re right, you’re right!” exclaims the other guy. “How did you figure it out?”
“I hire appraisers,” the balloonist explains. “You provided me with extensive, exact, and correct information. Most of it was ineffective, and it came much too late to be of any use.”
11. Infestation of Real Estate Agents
You’ll enjoy this one if you work in an area with a lot of turnover and more yard signs than trees.
12. What They Believe I Do…
-David Zarett, Director of David Zarett Properties
13. Contentment
RE/Tim Max’s Dulany (via Lighter Side of Real Estate)
14. The Room’s Smartest Kitty
courtesy of Quickmeme
15. The Neighbors
courtesy of LaffGaff.com
“The neighbors’ sprinklers are usually on, which is a little bothersome.” It’s a steady supply of water.”
16. However, I have a cash buyer!
courtesy of LaffGaff.com
“Ask a seller’s agent whether their listed price is the “condo-minimum” offer their seller is prepared to accept while negotiating on an apartment.”
17. How Many Agents Are Required?
-KV Realty’s David Telford
“Can you tell me how many agents it takes to replace a light bulb?”
There’s no rhyme or reason for it; it’s always been six.”
18. Jeff Knox, Knox & Associates Real Estate Brokerage
19. I’ve Always Wondered…
“Why do buyer’s agents routinely stuff bees into their customers’ pockets?” So they may teach them that beauty is in the beekeeper’s eyes.”
20. Why isn’t everyone doing this?
courtesy of Reddit
A sales representative for real estate software was making a presentation to a new agent:
“With our new CRM, lead generating, and transaction management software, you’ll be able to reduce your burden by half!”
“That sounds fantastic. “Give me two.”
22. $30,000
-courtesy of Reddit
“An elderly gentleman lay dying. He really wished he could take part of his money with him. To his bedside, he summoned his priest, doctor, and real estate agent. “Here’s $30,000 in cash for every one of you to keep. I trust you to place this in my coffin so that I may take all of my money with me when I die.”
Each guy placed an envelope in the coffin during the burial. “I only placed $20,000 inside the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new organ,” the priest admitted as he was driven away in a limousine.
“Well, because we’re trusting one other,” the doctor said, “I only placed $10,000 in the envelope since the hospital required new MRI equipment, which cost $20,000.”
The real estate agent was really taken aback. “I’m embarrassed by you both.” I’d want it to be known that when I stuffed my envelope into the coffin, it included my personal check for the entire amount of $30,000.”
23. The California Highway Patrol
-Loanguide.com’s Casey Fleming
A California Highway Patrol officer stops a speeding driver. He approaches the window and says
“Could you kindly show me your real estate license?”
“Don’t you mean my driver’s license?” says the driver.
“No,” the officer responds. “Those aren’t available to everyone in California.”
24. How to Sell Land
courtesy of Reddit
What do you need to know to sell unoccupied property effectively?
Lot’s.
25. What’s the State of the Market This Year?
–WG Real Estate Services Services
26. It’s a Feeling…
–WG Real Estate Services Services
27. Outstanding!
–Huff Realty’s Amy Chrisman-Williams
28. Climbing Offer
A banker, an accountant, and a real estate agent are all forced to live beneath a bridge after becoming homeless.
The banker moves inside a cardboard box he discovers.
The accountant locates a cardboard box, places it next to him, and climbs inside.
The real estate agent locates a cardboard box and stacks it on top of the cardboard boxes belonging to the banker and accountant.
Then he puts a reading poster on it.
“For professionals, a penthouse is offered in a new construction.”
Now it’s your turn.
Do you have any funny real estate jokes to add to the list? Please let us know in the comments section.
BONUS: Kittens and Puppies in Case of Emergency!
Via imgur
Via imgur
Via imgur
Via img
